Monday, August 15, 2011

Two months on ...

Two months on and it's finally sinking in that he is not coming home.

The feeling that he isn't really gone and that he is 'just at work' or 'just in the other room on the computer', is disappearing.

I feel like I'm at maybe where I 'should' have been at 2 months ago. But it just didn't seem real at the time that Chris had actually died.

Yes, died.

He didn't 'leave' me, we didn't 'break up', I didn't 'lose' him, he died.

And it's only now really just sinking in. He really isn't coming home. It seems I can't bargain with God to make that different. It is what it is. Apparently I have to start dealing with that.

Denial was so good to me for a while. I really miss her.

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