I get a whole party!

After a dismal attempt to return to work two weeks ago, I've decided to live frugally (luckily baked beans and melted cheese on toast is actually one of my favourite dinners - cheap, healthy, yum and easy to make = win!) and not return to work until the new year.

Which works out well this week because it gives me time to organise my nephew's 6th birthday party, on Saturday night - that I get to host!

I absolutely love organising birthday parties and don't get the chance as much as I would like. I did get to organise a couple for my niece, Jadeyn, over the years with parties including the famous scavenger hunt at the shopping mall and the INfamous 'Fear Factor' party. Here are the some of the results of that particular party ...

Green slime!


Shaving cream!



Hmmm cleaning up is going to be fun!




But ever since nephew #1 came along, I've been busting to organise a party for him, but unlike Jadeyn's mum, my sister loves throwing parties as much as me, so I never really thought I'd get the chance. But as luck would have it my sister and brother-in-law had plans out of town this weekend and asked if I could babysit. Wow! A whole birthday all to myself? Seeing as my sister and nephews all live on the other side of town, we had to come up with something smallish, as it would be too far for all his little school friends to travel and I'm not really up to organising a big party.

Because one of our favourite things to do when my nephews stay over is to have a movie night, we came up with the idea of an Outdoor Movie Night, under the stars. It's the end of winter here and the nights are still cool so we decided the best way to keep warm would be to put a big tarp on the ground and all the guests bring pillows and doonas so we could all huddle together under one 'giant sleeping bag'.

My brother has a projector so we are going to hang a big sheet in the yard for the movie screen, serve individual popcorn and chip buckets and of course, the cake. We decided that seeing most of the guests are going to be grown ups (aunties, uncles, teenage cousins, grandma etc) we would pick one animated movie and one family movie. After much debate we settled on The Lion King and the 80s classic Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. (Choosing an 80s classic, is the perfect way to remember his Uncle Chris in a happy way)

And best news of all, only my brother in law is going to be out of town now, which means his mum will be there ... but I still get to host! :-)

Visiting my place is still difficult for nephew #1. He's old enough to understand and show a full range of emotions. This party will be a little bit hard but it's getting easier for us over time. I'm so glad now I put in the effort from the beginning to let him know that it's still fun at my place. Since his Uncle Chris died, I've seen a side of my (not for much longer) 5 year old nephew. With wisdom and compassion beyond his years he always gives me a hug and says "I love you so much, I know you are still sad but I'm here to cheer you up." And he always does.

So now we just have to hope this rain clears up before then!

SavvyAuntie.com: Finding my Tribe

Right now I'm feeling so lost. Legally I'm 'widowed' even though I never got to have 'the wedding'. My life is full of children, even though I never got to have a child of my own. Only a handful of people knew that Chris and I had actually been trying to have a baby for the last 10 months. At 38, I know that dream will now never come true.

But anyone who knows me will know that while I may be childless, my life has actually always been 'child-full'. I'm still the person my 17 year old 'niece', Jadeyn calls for help with her English assignments in her senior year of high school. And shortly I'm going to need another spare bed as nephew #3 (aged two) is already asking to do things 'with just you and me, not my brothers'.

So as a sort of young-ish but closer to 40 than 30, unmarried 'widow', without children and 'just an aunty' - where does that leave me in society? Where do I fit in? Where is my tribe?

That's where SavvyAuntie.com an online community of women who "love children that are not their own" comes in.

As well as the Savvy Auntie community, I'm also grateful that my sister continually recognises the importance of the roles of Aunties and other women in her children's life.

At nearly 6, nephew #1 is old enough to understand that Uncle Chris is gone. His Uncle Chris who taught him to play golf in the backyard, who supervised watching YouTube videos (and tolerated watching the favourite ones again and again and again, as five year olds tend to do, without complaint). His Uncle Chris who talked funny with his Canadian accent and said "Ant-ie" not "Ahnt-ie". His Uncle Chris who let him stay at home playing the wii if I had to go out and do something 'boring' like grocery shopping.

Considering he stays here so often (at least one weekend a month), my sister recognised the importance of his relationship with his Aunty and Uncle, organised for him to spend some time with a child psychologist to help him work through his grief. Together, he and 'Princess Clare' have been making a special journal to help him remember his Uncle Chris.

This week it's school holidays and for months we had planned for a visit during the second week. I was originally going to cancel because it was just too much for me. But having my nephews around and keeping that special bond is important. I can choose to get out of bed next week and realise that I'm not the only one with sadness and that there is a little boy out there who needs me right now as much as I need him, so that's what I'll do.

The Savvy Auntie book by the fabulous Melanie Notkin is a highly recommended gift for first-time Aunties. (She is an entrepreneurial mentor, and someone that I've been lucky enough to get to know as a friend through Facebook.)

As an 'old hand' at this, for me it wasn't about the content in the book (although the content is great and deals with everything from how to handle your sister's or best friends changing pregnancy hormones through to an amazing Savvy Auntini recipe). But it sits on display in my living room with pride, with it's gorgeously designed, hot pink cover giving me great comfort of knowing that I do have a place in this world.